At the beginning of the pandemic I experienced the first creative block in all my years of being an artist. It made me feel like I lost my compass, the thing that makes me….me. I went from being a full time artist to a stay-at-home mom/teacher, and went through a dark depression. I didn’t have art to fall back on. My time to cry in “private” was while I would take my dog for walks. The streets were empty, so I would put on a pair of sunglasses and walk around my neighborhood and let out my grief silently.
About a month or so into the pandemic, when we were advised to start wearing masks, they started popping up as litter all over the sidewalks. They looked as lonely as I felt, so I started documenting them. I’ve been shooting for a couple decades but I’ve never used photography in my work. This is my first photo series, and I’m sure there are at least 100 photographers doing the exact same thing, but that’s ok, because this series isn’t about Covid or garbage or loneliness or being original. It’s about the power of art. I truly do believe art can save the world. I really do. It has saved me so many times. It saved me this time too. Creative people know this truth deeply.
At the beginning of lockdown, when everything went still and the country was trapped at home, so many people turned to the arts to combat loneliness and boredom. Music, literature, film, poetry, and beauty in all its forms filled the gaping holes. It made me think about how creatives, in a way, are essential workers too. What would your lockdown have looked like with no music, books, film, tv, or art?
Today we enter another lockdown. I’m nervous. Chicago winters are dark enough without a pandemic. It’s hard to hold onto the light. I fear we are going to face a mental health crisis this winter, and I worry about a parallel pandemic caused by loneliness and despair.
I am an extreme introvert. I can only take sips of human interaction here and there, and then I need to recover and recharge, alone. Throughout my life I have rarely felt lonely. I’ve always had my books and my poetry and my music and art to protect me, but lockdown has shown me I actually have a very complicated relationship with loneliness. I need people more than I ever thought I did, which is a beautiful thing to realize really. Maybe that’s one of the silver linings that will come out of this roller coaster ride.
So, here is my first body of work to come out of 2020. I edited it down to 27 photos. I will continue to take more. I wonder how the winter light and snow will change the feel of the images. That last photo is my favorite. I was walking a couple blocks from our apartment and saw a mask on the ground that turned out to be one I had made for my daughter. It was the first time I saw a mask on the ground that didn’t conjure up a feeling of loneliness.